Out of those discussions with you so much has come up. I often joke that I’m in my ivory tower in my little rural Essex town and I deliberately insulate myself from too much news and media brain washing! As a result I sometimes forget that how I think may not be quite so mainstream as others. So following another inspiring conversation with one of you last night, I’ve written another article below on forgiveness. But before I take you to that let me remind you about Dr Chadha’s day with me in April.
Dr Pradeep Chadha’s Science, Spirituality and Therapy Day
On 20th April we have the distinguished Dr Pradeep Chadha coming to London from Ireland to deliver a one day revelation on his drugless psychiatric work.
The reason I resonate so much with Dr Chadha is because he’s worked it out for himself too. And what drives people like Pradeep to work it out for themselves, is that they feel an empathy for others and
have a deeply seeking spirit. Underpinning that is a knowledge that full physical, mental and emotional health is not only possible but probable if we can understand how people have come to be the way they are and moreover, teach them how to return to their true selves. And we talk of people, not diseases or symptoms.
Click here to register for the day
To understand others you also have to seek deeply into your own life and ask some deeper questions, questions that Pradeep is all too practiced at asking. To him psychiatry poses more questions than it answers. It’s ‘solutions’ are not tackling the human root of the psyche, but instead dabble in superficial brain chemistry. And if that’s all that was really wrong, then drugs would cure. But it isn’t. And they don’t.
Click here to register for the day
Dr Chadha’s story is an inspiration in itself and how he came to conceive of mental and emotional ill health and how to treat it is really quite revolutionary and more so because of his medical background. But I believe Dr Chadha is a healer in the truest sense. Join us on this special day in London on 20th April. So many of you are talking to me about joining us and we’d love to have you with us. And remember, feel free to hit return and ask me any questions you need answering about the event and I’ll see if I can help.
Feedback
Keep your feedback coming. I can’t tell you how valuable it is to know that you are reading, listening and learning something from the energy I put out there. It truly inspires me to keep working for you. Hit return and reply or just fill in a comment form on whichever page on the website inspires you. https://theopenmindtherapist.com
Article: How do you forgive?
Forgiveness is one of those heavily loaded christian words that seems to suggest doormat or victim. “Forgive thine enemies” sounds like a mug’s game, doesn’t it!? Why should you? So what on earth does ‘forgiveness’ actually mean? Why should we seek it? And how can you interpret that effectively through a christian or religious filter?
Firstly, a lack of forgiveness causes bitterness and resentment. So if a person is bitter, it’s usually because they’re holding on to the memory or behaviour pattern that was set up by an outside influence. That means they’re holding onto something mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically because of the behaviour of someone else. The mind is probably telling them to hold onto it because it believes it can then spot the same behaviour again easily as a form of self protection. Or it may be holding onto it because the child in us still wants to show the world how unfairly treated we were and we wait fruitlessly for someone else to apologise or make it better for us.
However, the more this bitterness or resentment becomes part of who we are the more likely we are to attract the very thing we least want to us. (I’ll talk one day soon about the law of cause and effect). This bitterness is hurting no body except ourselves. It is wearing down our psyche and making us feel worthless and fragile. AND the likelihood is that we’ve been doing it for years: years and years after the initial cause. I speak from personal experience in this. I held onto a deep existential brittleness for many years. It was so part of who I was I didn’t even realise it was holding me hostage. Until my disastrous marriage brought me face to face with my own existential rage. I had to deeply confront it and insodoing, not only liberated myself from a deeply held belief about my self worth, but simultaneously I was free to develop a new way of being that has been nothing short of transformational.
So I often ask the question, who, in our current lives, is causing us harm? You’re right. It’s us. We are doing it by perpetuating the bitterness and resentment that was initially provoked by someone else, potentially years ago.
At that point we have relinquished all control and volition of our own and we are saying we are not in charge of our minds, but that someone else is. And we think hypnosis is worrying! Many people who are stuck like this are already in hypnosis – living a kind of dream.
So forgiveness is in my opinion, less related to someone else, and more related to ourselves. We need to be able to find some peace in our own hearts, stop judging ourselves by other people’s standards, start nurturing the real person we are and establishing some meaningful and respectful boundaries. As Oprah said once, ‘Forgiveness is giving up the hope, that the past could have been any different’.
From a buddhist perspective, if we do not treat ourselves with deep respect we are not honouring the buddha that we are. And from a Christian perspective, God’s work cannot be done through you if you deny yourself the love and respect that is yours. And from a lay person’s perspective, stop beating yourself up and start loving who you are.
Forgiveness has to start with you. It’s useless trying to ‘forgive’ others first. This will lead to frustration and even more bitterness.
In Buddhism we have a term called ‘zange’ (pronounced zangay). This is a deep and soulful realisation of the harm you are doing to yourself and a reverential apology for doing it. On its heels comes the determination to never do that to yourself again. Daily practice can ensure that that becomes a growing reality day by day. In keeping bitterness you remain vulnerable and brittle. In casting it off, there is wisdom and strength.
The end result is? That what was once done to you becomes irrelevant. You won’t forget it, but it will carry no emotional charge. In fact, at that point you can actually find the capacity to ‘love thine enemy’ because invariably, people are blind to the harm they cause. And even if there was an intent to harm, to coin another christian phrase, ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’ – and in seeing it this way, their negative power diminishes and your soft power for yours and others humanity grows. This is more than just therapy. This is heart to heart communication. Share this lesson with your clients. It’s relevant to most people at some point on their journey.
Looking forward to much success and renewal in the New Year.
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